My Actual Secret Dream

One of them at least... I have tons of secret dreams that maybe, if you guys are lucky, you'll get to hear about one day. Most of them you probably won't be interested in, but they are my dreams nonetheless, so pop off! Please :) I mean that in the nicest way possible haha But seriously, this means a lot to me, so don't read it if you are going to judge. And if you judge... Judge silently.

I'm sitting here listening to musicals while I be super productive (I'm not kidding, I'm doing so good! I'm rather proud of myself) and I can't help but listen to the passion that's in their voices. I mean, listen to this guy.

Listen to that! Do you hear it? Such passion.. complete devotion and commitment... He put literally everything into that song.

I miss singing more than anything in the world. I miss performing, I miss being on stage and being able to be someone else who has lived a completely different life than the one I've led. There is something so completely transcendent about that experience. To be able to put so much emotion, so much feeling, into a melody that those in the audience feel as if they have lived the life of this character, is something I will never ever regret doing.

But performing isn't my secret dream, mostly because it isn't a secret, it just a dream :)

Music is my passion. It is what I would do every moment for the rest of my life if I could. And I'm about to get kind of metaphysical/otherworldly for a second, so hold on to your seats.

Like I was saying, it's my passion. When I hear music, there is something physical inside me that forces me to sing. I'm not very good with words, so there is no way that you are going to really understand what I'm trying to say here, but just try to imagine. It is an overwhelming feeling that if I don't let it out, I will literally explode. It's a wave, a pressure, against my heart that moves up to my throat (and eventually to my tear ducts apparently because if I can't sing, I usually end up crying...) The first time I felt it, I was on the bus (of all places) and it completely and totally freaked me out. It was the most terrifying and yet beautiful thing I have ever experienced. I was in awe of that power, the power that music can evoke. The very idea that someone, singing, can raise such emotions in others, can move them to want to join in, to become a part of that larger idea and movement, is wonderful.

That's what I want. I want to be that singer, the performer that puts so much passion into her music that it can move other people's worlds. In order to do that however, I need to find my song. I need to find the song that describes exactly how I'm feeling, who I am. The song that is perfectly within my range and that I can put my whole heart and soul into. Like in Happy Feet! I need to find my heart song hahahaha That's a silly thought, but it's probably the closest explanation I can come up with right now... I would write it myself if I could, but sadly it isn't one of my skills... But to be able to sing with all of my soul, to let it all out, to be completely connected and devoted to a song would be the most exhilarating experience of my whole life.

So that's my secret dream. To find my "heart song". I guess in a way, my secret dream is to make other people understand what's in my soul... That's huge. And scary. But it's what I've always wanted. And one day? One day it is going to happen. At least, a girl can hope.