Meraki: Finding Me

Being at BYU, you are constantly bombarded with the idea that we need to get hitched, and fast! With this influence, it's hard not to think about what married life is gonna be like, who the person you end up with is going to be, how you are going to be with them, how things will work out...

One of my friends was dating a guy and she was telling me about how she was trying to show him how good a wife she could be by doing things for him now while they were just dating. This really got me thinking... Is that really all there is to it? All it takes is proving you can be a good wife? What happened to being yourself? What happened to personality and having fun? Does it not matter who I am, as long as I prove that I can be a good wife?

No. Wrong. Every part of me says this is extremely and totally false.

There is no way a marriage could work if the partnership is not a partnership at all but a master and housekeeper kind of deal. "I want to be married to a doormat!" said no one ever.

Now I've never been married (I know you're all thinking, "what? Since when?"), but I'm pretty sure I can imagine after observing my parents for 19 some-odd-years what it's gonna be like. It's equal parts opinions from both sides, it takes thoughts and hopes and dreams and desires from husband and wife to make it work. It takes respect from each to the other.

How do you respect the opinion of someone who doesn't know who they really are besides being a "good wife"?

I want to be happily married more than anything, but I know I need to figure out who I am first. After all, I must be my own before I can be another's. I have to understand myself so that he can better understand me. I have to be able to stand alone so that we can stand together, instead of him holding me up.

I am proud of the person that I am, who I have become, and whoever he is that I marry will love me for me, for every part of me.