I don't even know where to start

I haven't blogged in forever, SO much has happened and there is no way I'm going to be able to remember it all. 

But quite frankly, I don't even really want to talk about that all! Not that I'm not enjoying every second of it, but I have something very specific that I want to write about. (this is going to be long, I'm sorry)

My major. 

Guys, I love my major. LOVE it. Not because of the classes I have to take because quite honestly, so far, Human Development (the class) has been extremely boring. But I will tell you why I love it so much. 

I have never been passionate about anything but music for as long as I can remember. I have no desire to teach, I don't want to work in an office, I don't want to create a business or save lives in a hospital. None of that has ever appealed to me and I have never had even the thought to go into those fields. But I always thought that that is where I would end up anyway. Going into school, I thought for sure that I would end up getting a degree in something or other that I don't really enjoy but is practical. Something significant to the world, but not to me. 

I've never had the desire to change the world. Here, I am surrounded by people who have huge dreams, who are surrounded by stress and pressure trying to achieve their goals. I guess I've just never dreamed big enough for them to scare me. 

I don't want to change the world. But I don't want to change someone's world. 

So here I am, trying to decide what to major in, what to do with my life - and then it hits me. 

I love people. I'm passionate about people. Communication, getting to know them, helping them. I love it. I love children. I love working with them, taking care of them, learning about them and how they think and work. I'm fascinated with the mind, with why we think what we think, how we can think what we think, what makes us tick. 

So I went into Human Development, to get to the bottom of how we all... happened.

My second day in my human development class confirmed that this is what I want to do, that this is what I need to do.

What really cinched it was the movie we watched about the Romanian orphans. There are 100's of 1,000's of orphans in institutions across Romania because their dictator made it a law that those who have less then five kids in their family get taxed heavily. So the people had children, and then gave them back to the state because they couldn't afford them. This has all been kept under wraps, but this video was able to get in and show the world. These children, without the proper care, attention and affection they need, are not developing the way that they should. They are in buildings being looked after by people who don't know how to take care of them. Many of them haven't left their cribs in eleven years. Because of this, they have stopped growing. Their bodies shut down. They may be eleven, but they look like they are three. They sit in their cribs sucking their thumbs, rocking back and forth because it is the only stimulus they have ever known. They don't know how to talk, they don't know how to walk, most of them don't know what a friend is. Things that we take for granted like motor skills, these children lack. They are deformed, they are underdeveloped and they are sad. 

I cried through that whole movie. 

And then my professor said since the discovery of this situation, BYU has started an internship where they send students over to Romania to work with the orphanages, to help this kids. They spend just 45 minutes a day with each kid, holding them, talking to them, teaching them to walk, helping them. These kids just need a hug, to know that someone loves them and is there for them. Someone to show them what to do, what it means to be human because so far they've been treated like animals. 

I can be that person. I can be the one to tell those children what they are worth, what they mean to me and to their Heavenly Father. 

I may not change the world, but I sure as heck can change their's. 

This is what I want to do. This is what is important to me. Helping kids so that they can live in this world the way they are meant to.

So yes, if I can help it, I will be going to Romania next winter with the BYU internship. And yes, I will change their worlds. Because I can, because I have been blessed with the ability, because they need me. 

I've finally found purpose.