Welp, I finally got my calling.

And no dad, it is not date coordinator.

I am teaching Gospel Doctrine.

I'm actually really overwhelmed by the concept of it... I mean, I don't know anybody in my ward, and now I'm supposed to teach them! "Yes, dude with the mustache and purple tie" "That is an excellent question, lady with the frilly sleeves". What? No. I already feel puny and small next to them and now I have to get up in front of them and pretend like I know more than they do?? How am I supposed to do that!?

Besides that, I can't help but thinking of it as a performance, and that is an awful way to go about it... Mostly because then I get performance anxiety and I start thinking that everyone is judging me from the audience. Pressure, man! Pressure.

I have known since my second sunday in the single's ward that I was going to teach Gospel Doctrine, but it didn't really become real till the words came out of the counselor's mouth for the first time. It was so hard to keep it all together in that office, but as soon as I got in the car I started crying. It is all just so much! I don't know enough about anything to be up there teaching. I mean, during class I had lots of thoughts that pertained to the lesson but I could never find the courage to even raise my hand to participate. I couldn't raise my hand. How in the world am I supposed to get up in front of people and raise my whole self so they can stare at me as I make a fool of myself stumbling through the lesson? How am I supposed to make the lesson flow with perfectly timed questions and comments? Gosh, I'm freaking myself out more...

I just need to remember that this is where God wants me to be. He made me glow for a reason and there is something that I need to learn. Besides, I love teaching. I love getting up and telling people about stuff that I know. But that's only when I'm excited and I love what I'm talking about. My personality was built for this. I just need to have fun with it and do all that I can to bring the Spirit into the room.

I can do this.

I just have to be sure that I have studied super well and prepared for every lesson with extreme attention. Then, when I feel like I know what I am talking about thoroughly, it won't be hard for me to get up in front of those people and wing it.

I am honestly going to learn so much. I think secretly something inside of me was hoping this would happen because I am spiritually hungry, I want to learn, to have this knowledge and I know this is the absolute best way to get it. I just need the Lord to support me a little because I sure as heck can't get up there and do it on my own, I am not eloquent or level-headed enough for that.

AND there are three Gospel Doctrine teachers, so I only have to teach every three weeks. That's only like four lessons total all summer! I can do that, no problem.

I can do this.